Reflection

Ever had a day when so much made you stop and reflect?

Christmas music playing in the stores I shopped in today reminded of Christmas' past. Traditions and hopes and dreams of Christmas' to come.
The real meaning of Christmas and the grace we have been given.
Whether or not our kids understand that yet?
How much we have worked on not being selfish and still struggle with it.
How much I struggle with the materialism in this world and wish we could skip the Worldly Christmas as we had hoped to.
Looking forward to family time, family that is visiting...

Looking at my cousins pictures of his new baby girl on his face book, and sitting in the hospital with my two sister-in-laws reminiscing about our childbirth experiences made me think about how much our children have grown in such a short period of time.
It made me think of all that has happened in only 3 or 5 years.
It makes you wonder why things happen at the timing that it does...
Our little baby girl sleeping in my arms during the service, how much I love her and how much little things can annoy me and yet they wouldn't be the same without them. How much we love them and protect them. Are we raising them up to be Godly children of God?

God knows every day in our lives before one of them even occurs. He knits us together. He knows what we will go through and yet it is up to us to decide how much we will let Him into each and every situation life gives us. People wonder why things happen and yet we appreciate that God gave us free choice. Everything can be given to God for His work to be completed through us.

This whole month I have been struggling with the idea of journaling. Some times I wonder why people do it, and why it has come into so many of my conversations lately. Why can I not get over my fears of it. I think I have burned all of my past journals. Maybe this is like journaling...maybe my scrapbook is like a photo journal...
What good is journaling? Do I feel relief while I write? Does it really help me sort out my thoughts? It makes me think back at all my past journals. What would it be like to read them now?

The smells of yeast rising in my kitchen reminds me of my Nana, and the fact that she would make loaves of fresh bread. That she was the one that taught me how to make it. I am reminded of her, the happy moments and the sad ones. Her marriage and her relationship with God, her friends, her own family and my own mom and dad. Wondering how she is doing and does God speak to people with that late of a stage of Alzheimer's?...I believe He does, until we go to live with Him...and on and on I have thought!
I love that I am carrying on at least one of her skills. I love the fresh buns rising on the counter and remember her counters full of rolls, cinnamon buns, tea rings and more. A full days worth of a labour of love. I love that my husband is right beside me in this labour of love. That he remembers cooking and baking with his mom and wants to share these moments with me. That it is a team effort in this house!

Tonight at church we were asked to think about our own funerals...to imagine ourselves watching and being at our own funeral. It is often wondered what people will think of us after we have died. It's a morbid thought, and yet how we live each day is a reflection on ourselves. It's a reflection of how we love and live for our God...

What will my family think of my life? What will I be remembered for? Honestly, I don't want to think of it. I want to live my life for now. I want to lean on Him in all my worst situations. I want to learn from them. I want to be able to look back and see how much I have learned from life and grown. Sure, I will make mistakes along the way. I will look back and reflect, and see that I could have done things differently, but can't.

I want to be a prayer warrior and yet feel far from one. I want to use my gifts for God. I want to be an encourager. I want to be remembered as a friend people can count on. A lover and supporter of my husband. Someone my family could count on in times of need. I know I'm a people pleaser and as much as that has caused me pain, I hope that it has also been a blessing.

Today has been a day of reflection...there is so much to think about...not enough words to describe it all, not sure if journaling is my way of expressing it. So this has been my attempt...

Puzzled??

Some people are born to be puzzlers. We got into the discussion the other day if someone could be trained to be a good puzzler? Some people have the patience to sit for hours and love to gaze over a thousand or more, small unique pieces of cardboard looking for the exact piece they need. Others, like myself love to puzzle and can sit for a long time but my eyes need to take breaks once in awhile to refocus. Some times I come back and the piece I've been searching for was right in front of me the whole time. After I came back from our church women's retreat, we still had still two days before the week of work began. We took out a puzzle. For the last few years our own children have been too young to trust not to destroy a puzzle. Now that they are old enough to know better, my daycare kids are too young. Needless to say we scattered the 1000 pieces all over the table and started our fun. Our kids played near by and sooner then later Mark had 10 puzzles out himself and worked on the floor beside us putting his own puzzles together. He started with all his 24 piece puzzles as he can whip through them like nothing. Next he did one 48 piece and 3 49 piece puzzles. He spread the completed puzzles on the floor telling Kyla to for a walk through his museum of puzzles. Finally, he started on a 100 piece puzzle and said "I need help with this one". We started our puzzle Sunday afternoon and at about 1am Tuesday I was done for the day and Ray stayed up to put the last few pieces in, it was completed by 1:30am on Tuesday morning. It was a tough puzzle right to the last few pieces he said. The blues in the sky were so realistic. I would say it wasn't our toughest puzzle yet, but it was difficult. I love doing puzzles that are actual photos. So here to starting a puzzle season. Our first Winter (1st year of marriage and prior to children) we completed 8 puzzles, we've had a number of years with only one puzzle a year (at Grandmas house or visiting family in Calgary), we hope to complete at least one or two more this year and bring back our tradition.